I miss you. I’m not going to lie. I still tell people about you because, well, I consider you as a best friend, who I grew distant with, instead of an ex-best friend. I guess, I still have hope you might come back one day. I have my reasons why things became the way they did, but you didn’t want to hear them. I guess it was too late by then, but you have to realise, I wasn’t in the best mental state at the time. How could I be after all I had been through? But you never let me explain. I thought you would have understood, seeing as you were becoming a medic..
I blame it all on N. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. If it wasn’t for her, maybe you would have come to see me that day, maybe we’d still be talking. She said I cause a lot of drama. It made me laugh when I heard this. Like, seriously, how could I cause drama when I didn’t even speak to her? When she has a family member who goes through what I did, I’ll ask her then: ‘do they look like they’re being dramatic?’ Don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish what I went through on anyone’s family, but it’s not the best thing to have to go through. Anyway, I crossed her off my list of friends when I realised she didn’t even care that I was ill. She didn’t even come and see me once when I was..forget even seeing me, she didn’t even text me once. Such a fake friend. Anyway, this isn’t about her, but you, about us, so I’ll forget all the Qs I have to ask her.
You told me it wasn’t personal, when, actually, it was. It really was, because after all, I was the only one you closed off. I’m cool with that, but please don’t lie to me and say it’s not personal, when it was nothing, but that.
It’s sad that things like this now. We were once inseparable. No one would have expected things to have turned out this way. I remember bumping into an old friend, from school, last week and they asked me about you. I told them you were fine, but the truth is, I don’t even know how you are. It’s weird how things can change so quickly, one day we were spending all our summers together and the next we weren’t even prioritising our friendship, but was that really a reason to give up?
I know you’ll have changed in the time I haven’t spent with you, but I can only imagine that you’ve grown into a beautiful, young woman. I might not be the person you share all your secrets with anymore, but I want you to know, I’ll always be here for you. My time in the position as your best friend maybe over and you probably have blessed someone else with that place now, which I’m cool with, but I’ll always be here if you ever need me. And don’t you forget that.
You may be asking yourself why I’m writing this and well, I guess it’s to get a few things off my chest. I would like to thank you for being there for me, because I doubt I would have been able to make it through sixth form, if it hadn’t been for you. Thank you for the memories. Thank you for being the big sister, I never had. Thank you for the pictures. Our memories used to hurt to think about, but now I enjoy looking back through our countless pictures. Thank you for being a positive impact on me. Thank you for being my second family and last but not least, thank you for being my best friend. You were the best part of my past. I will look back on our friendship and hope my children have a friend, like I had in you.
I’ll love you, always.
Farah, you best friend, forever xx